Tim, it's been a long road for these two competitors, but they finally made it to the Season 6. We've seen some pretty vicious fights in some of the earlier rounds, but nothing, I am sure, will compare to this. Carmen, would you like to introduce the match-up for tonight?
Planet Express must have some nasty trick up their sleeve today because they've bender robot mafia name maker filling him with alcohol for the past six hours. His battle cry, 'Number Five is Alive! Moments from now, one competitor will be crowned BotBout Champion and the other will be tossed in the dumpster behind the studio.
Haven't heard of Battlebots bender robot mafia name maker Click here for background information. To determine the winner of this slugfest, it is once again necessary to look to that greatest of all sources of human wisdom, G.
And what does G. Joe have to teach us? That knowing is half the battle. Knowing is half the battle Which means that Johnny Five has to win this match. If it's been written, he's read it. He's probably already read the complete set of Bender's schematics, and thus he already knows all of Bender's vulnerabilities.
That knowledge, coupled with his remote control capabilities, will let Johnny activate Bender's Loyalty Circuits, bender robot mafia name maker make Bender his bitch. But even assuming that option isn't open to Johnny, there's still the other half bender robot mafia name maker the battle, repeated blunt trauma to your opponent's head, and Johnny has that covered as well.
He has military training, he's been a member of a New York street gang, he's triumphed over not only the NYPD but even over the entire military-industrial complex, and he has seen every episode of the Three Stooges.
With that kind of training and experience, Johnny could probably even bender robot mafia name maker the Richard Nixon cyborg. Bender will prove no challenge.
And if nothing else, Johnny could just buy Bender's body off of him for booze money. Three different ways, all leading to the same result: As much as I'd like to trust G. Joe, I think the biggest issue we need to address here is the chronological difference between the two opponents. Bender was constructed roughly years after Johnny which sort of precludes Mr. Judging by the rate of technological advancement on Earth, this puts Bender head, shoulders and several thousand terabytes over his competitor.
It's like comparing a brand new Gamecube to a Pong Machine. Sure, Pong is great and all, but it just doesn't measure up to Rogue Leader. Not only is Bender more advanced, he's also stronger. If he can bend steel girders into L-shapes in about a second, how long do you think its going to take him to turn Johnny into a pretzel? One time he even bent an Unbendable girder to save his evil twin. Bender will most likely start off the match by demoralizing Johnny. Just before the match begins he'll point over to Lucy Liu and say, "That's my girlfriend.
Who do you got Then, for the final, killing blow, he'll call up his old friend God who he met while floating through space to bring down the lightning and turn Johnny into a big pile of smoke. So Bender can go back in time, but a set of his schematics can't? That's exactly the kind of reasoning I would expect from one who so cavalierly discounts the teachings of G. And while Bender may be from the future, that's no guarantee he's more advanced than Johnny.
Bender was designed for the relatively simple task of bending things, a function that can be performed by a relatively simple robot as was demonstrated by how Bender was still able to function in that role even after having his brain stolen by a randy bureaucrat.
Who is going to sink a thousand years worth of cybernetic advances into a robot with genocidal bender robot mafia name maker of destroying all humans and whose job function only requires the level of intelligence of your average hammer?
And yeah Ally Sheedy may not be much, but at least she comes complete with a body. All Bender has is Lucy Liu's head. He managed to get the part of a woman that never shuts up, while somehow missing out on all the fun parts.
Getting scammed that badly suggests a level of functioning well below that of your average hammer. And given that it was a lightning strike that gave Johnny sentience in the first place, further lightning strikes will doubtlessly end up making him even more powerful. But at least Bender can bender robot mafia name maker forward to being reunited with his old friend God again, on the other side.
Amidst all that Lucy Liu bashing I'd watch your back for that, by the way -- Charlie's Angels don't like it when you disrespect one of themI didn't hear anything bender robot mafia name maker how exactly Johnny is going to be able to avoid the relatively simple task of getting bent.
An example of Bender being more advanced is: The BattleDome has all kinds of traps that wreak havoc upon unsuspecting robots. Johnny will be bender robot mafia name maker trying to wheel around them, whereas Bender can just step over them. Also, if Johnny manages to avoid the Wrath of God, Bender has another bender robot mafia name maker weapon. He can turn himself into a vicious killer-vehicle by downloading the Were-Car virus back into his system.
He'll probably save this as a last resort, however, since it will also cause the destruction of the BattleDome and, Heaven forbid, Bill Dwyer. Lastly, since I want to avoid the wrath of fans who would be very angry with me if I didn't point out the obvious bender robot mafia name maker to The Simpsons TM and their incredible winning streak here at the Grudge Match, I'll just say that now: Bender - Here is my proof: Bender is a metalic Homer.
Homer destroys all machinery he comes in contact with. Idiot Homer Property 3. Johnny Five is a machine. Therefore, Bender will win. Everyone knows that alcohol is an advantageous stimulant to Bender. Here is how I see it going down. Bender pounds 3 fifths of Jack Daniels and polishes that off with two fifths of Tequila. Bender robot mafia name maker this outrageous amount of alcohol, Bender is blessed with some sort of super robot strength just like I am when I am drunk.
Not long after this Bender becomes incredibly handsome as I also do under the influence. Bender sensing this weakness lures 5 in with several seducing words. That is when the hammer falls, Bender proceeds to twist and mangle 5 into some sort of multi-million dollar pile of scrap. Which kills more brain cells, alcohol or television? On one hand, a staggering number of people who drink regularly have decreased brain mass. Bender robot mafia name maker the other hand, a staggering number of people who watch TV regularly, watch American Idol.
At the end of the day, I'd say Bender's addiction is less damaging. He comes out on top. By the way, anyone who points out robots don't have brain cells will be bludgeoned with a copy of Foundation.
He's Bender's idol of indolence. But while Groening may put his name on both shows, his Simpsons connection is bender robot mafia name maker tenuous and has been since they left the Tracey Ullman Show. Hyde -- who is, as of this writing, the Animation Producer for The Simpsons.
Now I don't know about you, bender robot mafia name maker the last thing that I need is a visit from my ex. Bender robot mafia name maker - Extending arms and legs, long range. Johnny - Stubby, mostly useless and fragile arms. Removed his lazer gun in the second film, and replaced it with a glider. Yeah, that'll be useful in an arena with no high drops. Bender - Helped defeated sewer mutants, and numerous alien invasions.
Has been to war and seen the front lines. Participated in "Ultimate Robot Fighting". Been part of the Robot Mafia. Went to hell and returned. Johnny - Spent first film running away from military. Intruiged by Dr Pepper signs. Easily duped by New York street gang. Was in pieces by the end. Defeated gang of bank robbers, but bank robbers in that kind of film are always the most incompotent people possible.
Advantage Bender Need I go on. As Leela's martial arts master would have put it, Johnny 5 not only lacks the will of the warrior, he also lacks the ability, the intelligence and the fit body of the warrior. He's spare parts in 2 minutes. Bender will crush Johnny 5! Bender practically runs on liquor.
Futurama has the voices of Katie Segal and Billy West.
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